ADVICE: Dealing with low self-esteem

How do I deal with low self-esteem?

MEDIA BUZZ: Simone Biles, Naomi Osaka, and mental health

Olympic athletes are our heroes.  They represent hope, perseverance, tenacity, and overcoming obstacles to reach for the gold.  They're the best of the best.

To be an Olympic competitor, they must have a strong body and an equally-robust mental state.  Competition involves physical skill and mental sturdiness.  It is difficult to succeed with one and without the other.

As a licensed mental health counselor, I was heartened when Gold-medalist swimmer Michael Phelps disclosed his battle with mental health.  His disclosure put a familiar and respected face to it and showed that even the strongest body can struggle with what’s going on up in one’s head.  His endorsement of a telemental health service seeks to normalize talking to a professional.  His experience is proof that if mental health issues can happen to an Olympian, it can happen to any one of us, and it can be addressed.

His honesty was instrumental in opening up that conversation.

Michael’s struggle became public knowledge, however, after he stopped competing. Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka found the strength to speak their truth in the midst of the Olympiad.  They unapologetically put their mental health first and took actionable steps to protect it.  Without a solid mental state, their performances would certainly have suffered, but more importantly, they could have put themselves at risk for physical injury.  Choosing self-care above all else is courageous and, frankly, healthy.

I wish more of us would follow suit.

 

Simone Biles

I’d wager that if we asked every Olympic competitor in Tokyo about their mental health status (and did so with the guarantee that their identities would remain secret), they would confirm that participating in the games imposes immeasurable mental distress.

Maybe other athletes are feeling just like Simone and Naomi but are afraid to speak up. 

It’s an all-too-common fear that going public with one’s compromised mental health status puts one at risk of being labeled as “crazy,” “unstable,” or “fragile;” categorized as no longer good enough…or even unworthy of being an Olympic athlete.  Some cultures shun or believe that mental illness isn’t real…including our culture in America. 

Add to that fear the overarching expectation to perform and be the world’s best.  There’s so much riding on that one race or performance: the countless years of training to qualify to compete.  The many sacrifices athletes’ families endure to get their kids to the Games.  The country the athletes represent wants them to bring home more medals than any other so they can make the claim of being first in the world.  The athletes’ hope for endorsement deals that could secure their financial futures.  The physical toll on their bodies and the ever-looming fear that one false step, stroke, or movement could end their careers.

One can understand how it could be just too much for one’s psyche to handle.

Naomi Osaka

Mental health awareness is a systemic and cultural issue that is bigger than any one celebrity can take on to make meaningful change.  But one way to make self-care a priority is to make it acceptable to talk about, and Simone, Naomi and Michael have made some in-roads to that end. 

It’s crucial to our overall well-being to be mindful about how we’re doing mentally, and let our loved ones know when we’re not feeling well.  We need to ask for help when our typical coping strategies no longer work.  We need to get at least 7 hours of sleep in each 24-hour cycle, get regular exercise, and eat better.  We need to take days off when our mental health status makes it difficult to go to work. We need to have activities and interests that make us feel good about ourselves. We need to have a therapist or counselor as a member of our health care team. 

We can all take a role in blurring the line between physical and mental health because they are inextricably connected.  Embracing and respecting the holistic view of the mind-body connection will ultimately serve everyone better…including athletes.

By going public with their mental health struggles, Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka have gained something much more valuable than any Olympic medal. They’ve bravely demonstrated that their experiences are real and important to talk about openly, and in doing so, they’ve reopened this conversation so the millions of people around the world who suffer in silence can find the courage to speak up and seek help.

ADVICE: Making contact after a request for space

My significant other asked me to give them space.  How long should I wait before I contact them?

POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES: Trustworthiness

 

Trust is valuable. It affects everything. Being trusted by others is one of the character attributes necessary to foster healthy relationships and to achieve your most valued goals.

I know from experience that trust isn’t a quick thing you can gain. Like a growing savings account, it's something earned over a period of time, after consistently being honest, always acting with integrity, never lying or misleading. 

If you want to be a person other people trust, take an honest look at your actions and the decisions you make every day.

Here are nine traits of trustworthy people. Do you have them? Can people trust you?

1. Trustworthy people are authentic.

Authentic people are real, meaning they are genuine and have excellent character. They're likeable, humble, and easy to talk to.

2. They are consistent.

Aside from having an occasional bad day, trustworthy people demonstrate consistent, positive behavior. 

3. They have integrity.

People with integrity do and stand up for what's right, even when no one is watching.  They strive to always be truthful.

4. They are compassionate.

Trustworthy people exhibit empathy and compassion through their ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes.

5. They are kind.

Kindness is demonstrated through all of their interactions with others.  They understand that when someone is having a bad day, showing kindness is always the best response.  They are also kind to themselves.

6. They are resourceful.

Trusted people consistently seek to learn, recognize there's always room for improvement, and find ways to work smarter (not harder). Because of this mindset, they use what they know and share resources to inspire and support others.

7. They are connectors.

They look for ways to align like-minded people, and successfully connect them with others who need their knowledge or expertise to help them reach their goals.

8. They are humble.

Trustworthy people shine the spotlight on others first and sincerely celebrate their successes.  They give credit where credit is due, and are quick to recognize that it takes a team--not any one individual--to get things done. 

9. They are available.

They are there for people and reliably support them. They value their relationships and make a conscious effort to foster and celebrate them. 

ADVICE: My BF's parents will pull his financial support if we don't break up...

I started dating my best friend, who's studying to be a pilot. His family says I'm a distraction and threatened to cut his funding if we don't end the relationship. He won't be finished with aviation school for two years.  What do I do?  I think he's "The One."

ADVICE: How do I stop thinking about someone who abandoned me?

I dream about my ex all the time even though he abandoned me while I was pregnant and treats me like I don't matter. How can I stop?

ADVICE: I ruined a great relationship...what do I do now?

How can I accept that I've ruined the best relationship I've ever been in? Insecurity and self-doubt got the best of me. He was a pretty great person. I hate myself now and am trying to work on myself. I know I need to let go of old baggage, but how do I cope when I know it was because of me?