ADVICE: How do you know when to end a relationship?

 How do you know when to end a relationship?

ADVICE: I ruined a great relationship...what do I do now?

How can I accept that I've ruined the best relationship I've ever been in? Insecurity and self-doubt got the best of me. He was a pretty great person. I hate myself now and am trying to work on myself. I know I need to let go of old baggage, but how do I cope when I know it was because of me?

ADVICE: Do you regret breaking up with someone?

“Have you ever regretted breaking up with your partner when you are the one who initiated the breakup?  If so, how is life right now?”

Photo Credit: Quote Master

I have never regretted any of the breakups I initiated.  Or the ones that were forced on me. 

When the breakups happened, I was of course sad, hurt, angry…all of those things. 

But there are lessons to be learned in every broken relationship. Whether a person embraces and owns up to the mistakes that were made and learns how to do better and not make the same mistakes again determines how their future relationships will turn out.

I have often pondered how my life would be vastly different if I had stayed with my controlling, abusive ex-husband: the negative physical and emotional toll that living in a chaotic household for years would take on me, my stunted career opportunities, being isolated from family and friends, and how my daughters’ opinions of men and marriage would be skewed, and it wouldn’t have been good at all. 

Ending my marriage was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and it caused a lot of anger, hurt, and plunged me and my kids into poverty. But doing so literally saved not only my life, but theirs as well.  It was so worth it.

In time, I sorted out why my marriage fell apart, what part I played in its downfall, and made a conscious choice to make improvements in myself so I’d be less likely to make the same mistakes in subsequent relationships. Was I then transformed into a perfect partner? Oh hell no. Old habits die hard. But with each relationship (and breakup), I learned how to do and be better.

I’m in a much better place now, and am happily married to a man who treats me like gold. I’ve also learned what being a supportive, loving and respectful spouse is supposed to be like, and I work very hard every day to treat my spouse as I would like to be treated. It’s been working pretty well for the past 12 years.

I don’t regret any of the breakups I’ve endured.  Every one has brought me to exactly where I wanted to be.

 

ADVICE: The breakup with my ex didn’t feel “right”

“I can’t stop thinking about my ex because the breakup didn’t feel “right.”  I feel like I should write to them and try to get them back. What should I do?”

Photo credit: Genius.com

[Public Service Announcement: Don’t be this girl.]