EXPERT ADVICE: Benefitting from Failure

Failure isn't fatal.  Neither is rejection.  Failing doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.  Failure is an opportunity to make adjustments, tweaks, changes, improvements so you can make a strong comeback.

Failure might hurt a little at first, but when you have grit <insert link to grit post>, it inspires you to want to do better.

Instead of letting repeated failures be a sign to give up, people with grit persevere.

The book Carrie by Stephen King was rejected 30 times before it was published.

Animal Farm by George Orwell was rejected because there was no market for animal stories in the USA back then.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was rejected 12 times and J. K. Rowling was told “not to quit her day job.”

Walt Disney was fired from his job at the Kansas City Star in 1919 because, his editor said, he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”

Charles Darwin wasn’t enthused on becoming a scientist his whole life because his father called him lazy and too dreamy. Darwin once wrote, “I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect.”

So always remember: Be proud of your work. And never quit trying.

Source: https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-theory-of-grit-as-a-predictor-of-success-in-life-24274ceec46

ADVICE: Overcoming fear of asking someone out

“How can I overcome the fear of asking someone out?”

 

Fear is a powerful emotional response. For example, a fear of falling helps us to take extra precautions when walking on ice. A fear of failure keeps us from trying new things. The fear of rejection keeps us feeling insecure and unworthy, therefore making it difficult to find a partner who is good for us.

Ask yourself this question: “What’s the worst thing that will happen if I ask this person out and they say no?”

If you fear being embarrassed, keep this in mind:  embarrassment is something we bring on ourselves, and as such, we can mentally prepare ourselves and control whether we’ll feel that way if we’re turned down. Besides, why get embarrassed just because this person doesn’t recognize what an awesome person you are?

If you fear that no one will never say yes to you, then you’ve got a problem. If you fear that there will never be anyone in your life if this one says no, then the problem is bigger than that.

Get connected with a therapist to help you get to the root of your fear, develop strategies to overcome this fear of rejection, and learn how to feel more confident in all aspects of your life.

Then you'll be ready to get out there and start asking people to go out...and secure enough to handle whatever the response is.

EXPLAINING HUMAN BEHAVIOR: Desperation

"Why do desperate people do crazy things?"

Photo Credit: TheGoodVibe.co

Desperation is a state of being that is always rooted in fear, and is partnered with a horrible gut feeling that one is about to lose something or someone. Fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of being caught, fear of losing a job…fear is the culprit. 

Except for when literally saving one’s own (or another person’s) life, desperation isn’t a healthy state to be in and never a good way to hold onto things and people. 

People who are afraid of losing <fill in the blank> and believing they can’t live without it will do and say just about anything to prevent the loss from happening.  I think that’s the “crazy things” you’re referring to.

Doing “crazy things” could delay the loss temporarily, but when that fear rears its ugly head again (and it will), the vicious cycle would continue. Guaranteed.

Desperation is an indication that a person is insecure, perhaps emotionally immature. Partnering with a therapist is the first step to rid oneself of this toxic mindset and to learn how to live free of this debilitating fear.