ADVICE: Dealing with low self-esteem

How do I deal with low self-esteem?

verywellmind.com

I think that in order to gain healthy self-esteem, we must have the ability to care for and care about ourselves…what’s called self-compassion. Here are some suggestions and thoughts to strengthen your self-compassion:

1. Understand that you must make your needs, goals and well-being your number-one priority. That’s not selfish…that’s survival. It’s impossible to be productive and of service to others if you’re not doing well. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
2. Strive to make your whole self as healthy as possible with exercise, good nutrition, positive self-talk, setting goals, associating only with people who make you feel good about yourself, learning to address conflict, stress and disagreements with the goal of reaching outcomes where you and the other person can hang onto your integrity, character and compassion, and creating and maintaining personal boundaries which will show others how you expect to be treated.
3. Forgive yourself. Give yourself some slack. Whatever you think is wrong with you, or is lacking in you, forgive yourself for being imperfect. For being fallible. For being HUMAN.
4. Begin to change how you view yourself. Make a list of what’s good about you: what you do well, what’s good about your character, what you’re passionate about, your hobbies, interests and talents, and so on. When you shift your self-view from being less-than, inadequate, or a screw-up to that of positive attributes that make you a good friend, relative, employee, etc., you’ll begin to notice that your self-view will become more affirming and forgiving (see step #1 above).
5. If you have difficulty identifying the good stuff about you, ask family and friends to help. Pose these questions: “How would you describe me to someone who's never met me? What are my strengths? What makes me a good person?” Write down everything they say (even if you have trouble believing them). Chances are you’ll see similarities in what people like, respect and admire about you.
6. Believe what you’ve been told is good about you in Step #3. (Fake it if you have to until you do.)
7. Tell yourself that you are good enough today. Say it out loud and repeat until you believe it. We’re all changing, growing and maturing every day. Accept the fact that you’re not perfect. No one expects perfection from you (except maybe you). Even if you think you’ve screwed up royally today, you’re still good enough. Why? Because you get up when life knocks you down. Because you can choose how to deal when the crap hits the fan. Because you can choose to learn from your mistakes so that tomorrow you’ll be less likely to make them again. Then, tomorrow you’ll still be good enough. And the day after that, and the day after that…..
8. Recognize and accept the fact that it will take time for you to give up your old ways of thinking and behaving and replace them with ones where you have permission to show yourself compassion.
9. You have total control over your thoughts, beliefs and behaviors, and you can choose to think well of yourself…or not.
10. Engage the help of a counselor to support you through this growth period.  It will be time and money well-spent.
11. You can do this.
12. It will be worth it. (Promise.)