ADVICE: People who don’t take COVID-19 seriously

“I get so angry when I see people in the store without a mask, or wearing it under their chin, and not following the 6-foot social distancing rules. Sometimes I just want to scream at them to raise their masks and keep their distance.  What can I do to get them to do the right thing?”

Photo credit: Centers for Disease Control

I hear you. I am consistently amazed at how many people think that the pandemic isn’t as serious as is being reported, that masks don’t work and wearing them is a sign of government control, that the vaccines will change our DNA, and that the number of people dying are made up.  It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that they think they’re smarter than the science and data that say otherwise.

So where do they come up with these crazy notions?

Someone is repeatedly misinforming them, and they’re choosing to believe what they hear. Just like we choose to believe what we’re hearing repeatedly.

They feel very strongly about what they believe, just as strongly as our beliefs.

But we can’t convince them they’re wrong any more than they can convince us we are.

To answer your question, it’s natural to feel anger when we witness others disrespecting our rights and violating public health mandates, but using that energy in a positive way by following the COVID-19 protocols that the scientists are telling us will slow the spread is the best way to handle it. 

Do your part, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing. We have no control over others…only over what we choose to do.

Stay strong, and stay the course. Herd immunity is on its way.

ADVICE: Boyfriend says things he doesn’t mean

"How do I approach my boyfriend whenever he starts saying harsh words that I know he doesn't mean to?"

Photo Credit: Whisper

First, let me preface my response by acknowledging that we all—at times—have said things (sometimes in anger) without editing or filtering.  I’ve been guilty of that myself on occasion.

The truth is all of us can control everything we say and do, and when we mess up, we also have the ability to apologize and protect our relationships.

That said, if your boyfriend speaks harshly very infrequently (like once or twice a year--at most), and you tell him how his behavior makes you feel, and he responds by immediately apologizing and makes consistent effort to improve your relationship, then we can certainly forgive this human error. 

But if his “harsh words” are commonplace and are targeted at you, then that’s a much bigger problem. 

This behavior is considered verbal abuse, a non-physical type of domestic violence (it applies even if you don’t live together), and it has no place in your relationship.

If he’s frequently angry, defensive, gaslights you, makes threats, and makes you feel unsafe, then you must take every action to protect yourself.  (Call 911 for help if necessary.)  If you live together, arrange to stay with a friend or your family to temporarily put some space between the two of you.

Speak with a trained advocate on the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) who will listen without judgment, help you develop a strategy to stay safe, and get you connected with your local domestic violence agency and a therapist who can help you map out your next steps.

Please remember that your boyfriend’s behavior is not because of anything you’ve said or done...it’s a sign of deeply-rooted insecurity and that’s something he can work on with a therapist as well.