ADVICE: Refusing to divorce

Why do some spouses refuse to divorce even though they openly admit they no longer have feelings for the person they're married to?

I’ve wondered the same thing. Aside from how they feel about each other, there are some practical reasons why couples who’ve fallen out of love choose to stay married.

1. They can’t afford to get a divorce. I was divorced many years ago and it cost me a small fortune to do it. Each spouse needs to hire their own lawyer and pay court fees…which can really add up and be prohibitive if they don’t have the money to do it.
2. They can’t afford to live separately. It typically costs less for two people to live together than in separate apartments or homes.
3. They have kids together and don’t want to disrupt their lives. I know people who stay with their spouse so their kids won’t come from a “broken home.” (In my opinion, though, living together where there is no love is a home that’s already broken.)
4. Neither one wants to initiate a breakup and be “the bad guy.” Even though they may not love each other, they don’t want to inflict more hurt by being the one to take steps to break up.
5. They want to continue to reap the tax benefits married people get. (Married people pay less taxes than single people do.)
6. They love each other’s family and don’t want to lose that love and support. When couples break up, their individual families tend to “side” with their family member and not the spouse. It’s difficult to walk away from those relationships.
7. They worry what their families and friends will think if they broke up. They don’t want to have to explain why the breakup happened and maybe look bad to others.
8. They are in a co-dependent relationship.  They literally couldn't function without the other.
9. Perhaps one of the spouses has another relationship, and wants to benefit from having both a lover and a spouse.
10. One spouse refuses to divorce the other in order to control them. Depending on the laws in the state they live in, it can be very difficult to get divorced from someone without their consent. So the spouse who wants the divorce can’t until they both agree to it.
11. Their religion prohibits or frowns heavily on divorce. Going against what they’ve been brought up to believe is right and wrong would be very difficult to do for people who are devout to their religious beliefs.