ADVICE: Is a marriage at risk if spouses don't share many similar interests?

My spouse and I don't share many common interests, and I wonder if our marriage will suffer because of it?

ADVICE: How can I get revenge on my mom?

My mother and I had a huge argument and she took the lock off of my bedroom as punishment. How can I get revenge on her for doing that?

Advice: Is mental abuse as damaging as physical abuse?

Should I stay with a partner who mentally abuses me, or should I wait until it gets physical to leave?

ADVICE: Parenting young adults

What are some manageable and effective rules for parenting young adults aged 18-25?

ADVICE: How do you know when to end a relationship?

 How do you know when to end a relationship?

ADVICE: Refusing to divorce

Why do some spouses refuse to divorce even though they openly admit they no longer have feelings for the person they're married to?

ADVICE: How to help an adult child who's being abused

My daughter is repeatedly battered and beaten by her abusive husband.  She says she loves him too much to leave him or report him to the authorities.  What can I do about this?

POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES: Resilience

The word resilience stems from the Latin resiliens, meaning "to rebound, recoil, bounce back." 

As a character trait, resilience is a person's mental ability to recover quickly from misfortune, illness, disappointment, or any other event that rocks our foundation.

For most, life eventually throws us a major curve ball.  The rug gets pulled out from under us. Something happens and we aren't sure how we'll ever get past it.  

Resilient people develop a mental capacity that allows them to adapt with ease during adversity, bending like bamboo instead of breaking because they possess a set of powerful traits.  Let's examine each of them listed in the graphic above.

Internal locus of control:  A person who believes that they have control over the things that happen to them and how they respond are said to have an "internal locus of control."  In other words, one views their sense of control coming from inside them, and not from the outside.

Strong self-esteem, self-sufficiency: A person with strong self-esteem feels good about who they are, what they're doing, and what they're contributing to the world.  A self-sufficient person is able to take care of themselves financially, physically, emotionally, and socially.

Personal goals: A resilient person has clearly-defined short-term and long-term personal goals.  They work consistently to meet these goals, and if necessary, has the good sense to modify their goals when their priorities, interests, and/or circumstances change.

Sense of meaningfulness:  A resilient person knows their life's purpose and believes that what they're doing is meaningful to themselves and others.

Uses past successes to confront current challenges:  In the counseling world, this is called "transferability of skills."  A resilient person tackles problems or obstacles using strategies that worked for them in the past, which adds to their sense of self-sufficiency.

Views stress as a way to get stronger:  A resilient person takes the proverbial lemons and makes lemonade.  Stress is viewed as a motivator--not an obstacle--to success, and successfully managing stressful situations is meant to strengthen one's character.

Uses humor, patience, tolerance, and optimism:  A resilient person uses humor to manage the tough times and absurdities of life.  They are patient with themselves, with others, and with how the world operates.  They employ tolerance to deal with difficult situations and people, and they view their experiences as mostly positive and have hope that all will turn out well.

Adapts to change:  As a whole, human beings resist change--we avoid new ways of doing things, new people, new situations as much as possible because we're creatures of habit.  A resilient person may not love changes that come along, but they make the transition to the new quickly, with the attitude that change potentially can be good.

Action-oriented approach:  As an extension of their internal locus of control, a resilient person is proactive--meaning that they initiate a plan of action before it's necessary.  They are first to step up and don't wait for others to do something.

Strong relationships and asks for help:  A resilient person values and cultivates the relationships in their lives.  They know the importance of having a solid support system around them and do whatever it takes to make these people feel respected, valued, and loved.  They also are secure enough to know when they can't solve or do something by themselves, and have no problem asking for help from someone who knows more than they do.  They view asking for help as a sign of strength, and not one of weakness.

Faith:  Having faith doesn't necessarily mean following a specific religious group or spiritual philosophy.  A resilient person has a strong belief that whatever happens is for the best and everything will eventually turn out okay.

Question:  Do you think you're a resilient person and if so, which trait is your strongest?  If not, which one(s) do you need to work on?