ADVICE: What would you do if you caught your boyfriend holding hands with a woman in public?

Photo:  elements.envato.com

First, let me say that I’m a firm believer in listening to our inner voice, that “gut feeling” that always tells us the truth...even when the truth isn’t something we want to hear.

Second, you need to think back to whether there have been other instances in your relationship that would cause you not to trust your boyfriend.

That said, after allowing my heart rate to come back to normal, I would calmly ask him who this person is and why he was exhibiting this public display of affection with someone other than me.

Now, he may have a perfectly good reason why he was holding that woman’s hand.  Maybe she’s a friend or co-worker who’s going through a tough time and he was offering emotional support in that way.

Maybe he thought he was being discreet about being with this woman, and you’d never find out.

Or may be WANTED to be caught so you’d get angry and leave him so he wouldn’t have to be the one to end your relationship.

Regardless of his explanation, you need to let him know how seeing him holding another woman’s hand made you feel.  Tell him what your inner voice is saying to you.  That you feel disrespected.  How angry you are.  That you’re sad to have made this discovery.  How you fear that this is a sign that your relationship is in trouble.

Then, listen carefully to how he responds to your feelings.  Does he validate them, understand how you feel, and reassure you that he loves only you?  Or does he tell you that you’re crazy for feeling that way...that you’re reading too much into it?

Based on his responses, you can decide how your life will move forward.  What does your gut tell you is the right way (NOT the easiest way) to resolve this?  What’s best for YOU?

If you believe to your core that he’s devoted to only you, then you need to work on your fears and insecurities.

If he tells you that you and he are no longer an exclusive, monogamous couple, then you must decide what to do next.

I recommend not making this decision on your own.  It would be helpful to work with a therapist to remedy your insecurities and give your confidence and self-esteem a shot in the arm.  Then you’ll have an abundance of strength to decide whether this relationship is worth saving, and the tools to take action if necessary.