“My BF has many issues and has not processed his childhood traumas. We’ve been together for a year, and we’ve had many arguments. He shares a lot with me, but I can’t do the same because the smallest things trigger him. I feel awful thinking about leaving. What should I do?”
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| Photo Credit: Therapy Route |
He needs to get professional help to work through his traumas…you cannot be his therapist. Admitting that he needs help is probably terrifying for him. The idea of making an appointment with a therapist who specializes in trauma is equally frightening. Going through trauma counseling is very intense, painful, and exhausting, but for people who stick with it, their lives can be transformed for the better.
Unfortunately, he has to decide to take those steps himself, and there’s nothing you can do to expedite this or make it easier for him.
One important thing for you to remember: Nothing changes if nothing changes. Your relationship will not get better on its own. Your arguments will not stop (they might, in fact, get worse and/or become more frequent). You’ll still be walking on eggshells around him in another year, five years, 20 years…if nothing changes.
I recommend that you yourself get connected with a therapist to help you sort through all of this, and come up with a plan for the best course of action for you to take. Taking care of yourself first is absolutely necessary, and it might encourage him to do the same.
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