ADVICE: Getting back together with an ex...or not?

"I've been feeling like I want to get back with my ex but I feel conflicted because I also started developing feelings for my friend.  I don't know who I should choose.  What should I do?"

It's not unusual for us to have thoughts about reuniting with an ex.  After all, this is someone we once shared our lives with.  Someone we made memories with.  Someone we loved.  

One thing to keep in mind, though, is that your ex is your ex for a reason (or many reasons).  Have the reasons you broke up been resolved or changed in ways that would increase the chances of having a better relationship this time?  If so, see if your ex is interested in getting together again, too, and see how it plays out.  But if not, it's best not to go there.

It's also normal to have feelings for other people, and to be conflicted as to who to choose to be with.  The best relationships are built on solid friendships, so if your friend feels the same way about you, you could talk about taking the friendship to another level.  Even if they don't have romantic feelings for you, you still have a really good friend in your life.

If after thinking about all of this you're still not sure what to do...do nothing.  Do some more soul searching, and wait until you are certain about what you want and who you want to have a relationship with.

Take your time. There's no rush.

ADVICE: Learning to avoid crying

“How do I learn how not to cry?”

I get asked this question all the time, and my response is always, "Why would you want to?"

Babies cry to communicate their needs:  when they're hungry, tired, bored, in pain, or they just want to be held.  If you think about it, adults cry for the same reasons.

Crying is a necessary response to a hurt, disappointment, stress, or loss.  Regardless of the reason, you're crying because you feel something, and it's extremely important to let it all out.  It's healthy.  

We sometimes hate crying in front of others because we feel vulnerable and embarrassed.  We don't like seeing others cry because it makes us uncomfortable and feel helpless because we don't know how to help.  People shame us and call us names like "cry-baby."  Maybe someone has even told us, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

Learning how to keep from crying goes against everything that's good for you.  Pretending to be happy is fooling no one but yourself.  Crying displays the real, honest, and genuine you, which is the very best version of yourself to show the world. 

There's another huge benefit to letting the tears flow:  Did you know that in addition to salt and water, tears contain the stress hormones that build up when we're angry, afraid, or upset?  Crying is the fastest and most efficient way to rid your body of these toxins.

So let those tears flow freely.

If you need emotional support during a difficult time, connect with a therapist--where you'll find no judgment, an endless supply of Kleenex, and learn to get more comfortable with expressing your feelings.

And you have my permission to tell anyone who calls you a "cry-baby" to go pound salt.