ADVICE: Managing a workplace bully: Ten tips

I'm being bullied by my supervisor's son-in-law, who's a colleague.  What are my chances if I fight back, and what's the best course of action to take?

community.workplacebullying.org

Having to endure abuse at work is a horrible position to be in. I’ve been in your shoes in the past, and being bullied in the workplace is a soul-crushing, emotionally exhausting and confidence-killing ordeal to deal with day after day after day. Please know that you've done nothing to instigate the bully's behavior and you deserve none of his abuse. He is an immature, insecure and fearful individual who wants to make everyone else in a subordinate position feel the same pain he does. To make this worse, you have a supervisor who isn’t protecting you by allowing it to continue. 

That said, here's what I recommend:

1) Read The Bully at Work by Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie.  They are experts on workplace bullying, and their book has a lot of research-based information that can offer you insight, understanding, compassion, and hope. 

2) Document every act of bullying. Use a journal or weekly calendar (one where pages can't be torn out or added) and include the following information every time it happens: 

• date, time, location of incident
• names of witnesses
• content of the interaction with the bully--what was said, the tone and volume of speech he used, did he threaten or intimidate you, how you responded, and how the interaction ended
• the feelings you experienced while being bullied.

Keep this journal/calendar in a safe place--not in your desk or on your computer at work.  Tell no one (except your doctor or therapist) that you're doing this.

 
3) Document every day you call in sick when you need a break from the abuse, or if you feel the physical symptoms you're having could be attributed to working with an abusive co-worker. If you can go back in time and identify specific dates, circumstances and interactions, include those too. If the perpetrator sent you incriminating emails, notes and/or voice messages, save them to the cloud using your personal computer. Keep everything in chronological order.

4) If you witness the bully abusing other co-workers, write those incidents in your journal as well and how being a bystander negatively affected you. Vicarious trauma is a real phenomenon, and needs to be included in your documentation.

5) Get a copy of your company's workplace violence policy and keep it in a safe place (not at work). Also, be aware that even though the people working in Human Resources are employees just like you, their loyalty will always be to the company and your supervisor. However, with copious, detailed documentation, you could have grounds to sue the company for damages because they took no action to protect you.

6) It would be irresponsible of me to suggest whether you should fight back or not, because your circumstances are unique to you. But if you plan to take action, understand that losing your job is pretty much guaranteed (you know what they say about blood being thicker than water). However, you could collect unemployment until you find something else. If your doctor and/or therapist deem it appropriate, you could qualify for disability benefits. 

7) If you decide that blowing the whistle isn't the right move for you, plan your exit strategically. Update your resume/CV. Attend networking events and bring lots of business cards--you might meet the hiring manager at a company you'd love to work for. Let everyone you know (outside the company) that you're looking. Reach out to your followers on LinkedIn. Hire a headhunter. Apply for everything for which you are qualified--your next job doesn't necessarily have to be your dream job, just one that will help you pay the bills until you get your feet under you again. Reduce your expenses and save as much money as you can.

8) Find a counselor or therapist who will help you to manage your stress/anxiety/sadness/anger/depression/etc., regain confidence you've lost, and learn strategies to "bully-proof" yourself at your next place of employment. Ask them to document in their notes that this is work-related.

9) If you have physical symptoms related to the stress you feel at work, do the same with your primary care physician, too...you might need this information should you decide later on to pursue litigation or apply for disability benefits. The bodily responses you're having are extremely similar to PTSD, and are treatable. Self-care is your priority.

10) Even if you don't think you'll take your employer to court, request a consultation with an attorney who specializes in employment or labor law. Share copies of all of your documentation (never hand over originals to ANYONE), and ask whether you have grounds to sue and your chances of winning.

You can get through this. I wish you well...I'm pulling for you!